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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

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Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

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Silence is argument carried out by other means.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

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